by Marilyn Tam

Happiness.  Ah, what does that much used word mean?

 Happiness is regarded a such a fundamental need that the pursuit of it, along with life and liberty, are written into the Constitution of the United States of America as the three inalienable rights.

 Most of us strive to achieve what we think is going to make us successful; a new job, a promotion, a special recognition, a different physical appearance, a certain amount of money, some particular possessions and, generally, more stuff.  Are we content when we attain those things? You know the answer. The contentment may last for a brief time, but then the hunger and the restlessness creep back—now if only I had…

 Dr. Ed Diener, a professor of psychology at the University of Illinois, has devoted his distinguished career to studying the link between happiness and wealth.  His conclusion is that emotional well-being is determined most significantly not by your bank account, but by the quality of your social relationships and satisfaction at your work.

 What really makes us happy is the warmth of the smile and openness of a child as she reaches for your hand; it is in the inner glow you feel when you know you’ve helped and connected with someone; it is in the centre of your being when you know that you are doing the right thing.

 Chasing happiness by pursuing a material goal is like climbing the ladder to the top only to find that you have climbed up the wrong wall.  What do you do instead?  Laugh.  Allow yourself to see the silliness in buying into the relentless media messages that bombard you in the order to have you believe that joy comes from the outside. Happiness, ultimately is an inside job.

 Young children focus on the immediate events around them. Their joy comes from what is happening in the moment. They neither fear the future nor bemoan the past. They are not waiting to be happy. They delight in the butterfly that lands delicately on a flower, clap happily when they hear a favorite song. And are wide-eyed with wonder and joy when they see the first snowfall.  Do you remember?

 One day without any conscious effort, things begin to change. We begin to define our happiness by certain goals in the future: once that happens, then I’ll be happy.  Or we are unhappy because of something that has happened already? There are many reasons for sadness; health challenges, financial challenges or the loss of a loved one, to name a few.  How we deal with the situation is what either moves us back into equilibrium or keeps us mired in the grief.

 I lost my husband suddenly to a heart attack when I was in my 30s. It became a struggle for me to even want to get out of bed and the change out of my pajamas in the morning. Over the ensuing months, I lost lot of weight and was sleep-walking through my days. I grieved deeply and also prayed for spiritual guidance to find the blessing in this unforeseen experience.  It was a true test of my philosophy that happiness is an inside job.

 I made a ritual to give thanks every day for my blessings as I awakened and as the last thing I did every night.  Slowly the exercise of gratitude returned me to my centre. My inner knowing sent me the message that events happen for good reasons, even though they may seem inexplicable at the time. I sought to find the good in my loss. One thing I learned was how to have fun without waiting for others to suggest entertaining activities; I now delight in initiating play. I resumed my non-profit work and look on a challenging new position across the country. The more I put my focus on what was good, the more I noticed there was more good. My mood lifted with each gratitude I gave, and in time I noticed that I was happy again.

 Long-term happiness is related to whether one is living one’s life purpose. When I feel that I am making a positive difference in the world, I feel fulfilled and content. Each one of us has a unique reason for being.  We each have our individual dreams, but they all come down to one central theme: we want to feel that our life has mattered to someone.

 How do you know if your are living your life mission? When the noises in your head, the “shoulds,” “would haves,” and the “ought tos” quiet down, you know you are on your path. Take time to journal and meditate on what is truly important to you.  Take the steps to do what really calls to you. Research, prepare and plan for contingencies, but go ahead, step fully into your dream. You will be exhilarated and alive.  The urgent is not as critical as the important; sometimes you must let the phone just keep ringing: the caller will simply have to call back or leave a message.

 Happiness is also taking time to say thank you, to appreciate the small as well as big things that happen to befall us. The very act of acknowledging the good lifts our spirits. It is in delighting in the little joys, like a long hot bath after a grueling week of intense work, or the 10 minute break to call an old friend on her birthday, or a great physical workout.  Happiness is living fully.

 In today’s hectic world it is very easy to feel rushed and stressed. It may take conscious effort to remember to delight in the simple joys in life. Laugh, find humour in some of life’s small frustrations; you will find the day goes more smoothly.

 Perhaps one day our whole world will be like Bhutan, a country with a “National Gross Happiness Index.” Bhutan’s King Druk Gyalpo Jigme Singye Wangchuck wanted an alternative to the conventional Gross Domestic Product (GDP) ranking.  He felt that the GDP did not indicate a nation’s true wealth. Visionary leaders must not only strive for the country’s material wealth, they must also cultivate inner contentment for their people. Bhutan’s Index covers everything from protecting the natural resources to promoting a strong national culture and ensuring democratic governance—goals that help create a foundation of happiness for the citizens.

 You can start happier right now. It’s easy. Just smile and give thanks that you are relaxing for a moment and reading this article.

  MARILYN TAM IS A PRODUCTIVITY, LEADERSHIP AND DIVERSITY EXPERT AND FORMER TOP EXECUTIVE IN FORTUNE 500 RETAIL COMPANIES. SHE WROTE THE BOOK HOW TO USE WHAT YOU’VE GOT TO GET WHAT YOU WANT.

 

Bhutan, the Buddhist kingdom tucked between India and China, is the size of Switzerland with less than a million people. Its economic wealth is among the lowest in the world and it only ended its self-imposed isolation in the 1990s. Yet the Bhutanese are reputed to be the happiest people in the world. Outside observers, as well as the Bhutanese themselves, attribute this to the wisdom and vision of their king, His Majesty King Druk Gyalpo Jigme Singye Wangchuck. 

In 1972, King Jigme Singye Wangchuck, deeply concerned about the effects of globalization on his country’s unique culture, was determined to protect it.  He wanted to safeguard the social and cultural values by converting them into quantifiable terms so that the wider world might understand and respect them. This lead eventually to the development of the Gross Happiness Index to gauge properly the country’s social, cultural and environmental assets as well as its economic development. 

In 1998, the prime minister, Lyonpo Jigme Thinley, formalized the vision into the government’s new master plan, the Four Pillars of Happiness.  These pillars--sustainable economic development, conservation of the environment, the promotion of national culture, and good governance—create conditions “in which every individual will be able to pursue happiness with reasonable success,” says Mr. Thinley. 

“Bhutan is a very rare example, probably the only example in the world , of a country that has built happiness into the centre of its development strategy,” says Ron Coleman, director of GPI Atlantic, a Canadian non-profit research organization that studies the quality of life. “They are sacrificing short-term income for long term social health.”