Living the life of your dreams

Excerpts from My Books:

  

My new book:
Living the life of your Dreams – The Secrets of Turning Your Dreams into Reality

Preface

You wake before the alarm, turn over and then it hits you - you are already behind on what you have to do today. Out of bed you rush to get ready, grab something to eat, gulp down some coffee and zoom your nerves are already vibrating at hyper speed. At the end of the long and exhausting day, you fall into bed bone-tired and weary, feeling that you didn’t accomplish many of the things you had to do, much less the ones you wanted to do. Sigh, is this the life I was born to live, you wonder.

No! You have a choice; you can live the Life that You’ve Dreamed of Living.

“Hah”, you say, “What is that? I would settle for having a life! “Yes, I understand, I have been there. I know the edgy, nagging feeling, which gnaws at your insides and buzzes in your brain as you juggle more demands than humanly possible. There is another way and I am delighted to share with you how. Come with me on this journey to discover and fulfill your birthright – to live the life that you’ve always wanted.

I did not come from privilege.My early years were hard and I had a good number of devastating challenges in my later years too. However those are the very things that I give thanks for – my “training” gave me the understanding, insights and skills to achieve a life, which surpasses my wildest dreams.

I am the second daughter in a traditional Chinese family and my birth was followed quickly by the birth of three younger brothers. To say that I was unwanted would be an understatement – my mother left me in the hospital and had to be called to pick me up. My inauspicious entry into the world foretold years of physical and mental mistreatment. Rising from an abusive childhood to leaving my home in Hong Kong as a teen for University in America alone, to becoming a global business leader and humanitarian, I’ve found the secrets to achieving a life better than I’ve ever dreamed was possible – and you can too.

Now I live in Santa Barbara, California, walking distance to the ocean and the mountains, sharing a sunny, spacious and cozy home with the love of my life. I have retired from the corporate executive world to run my global speaking and consulting business and the non-profit charitable foundation I co-founded, from my home office.

As I look up from my home office, I see trees laden with ripening oranges, lemons and avocados in my organic garden, while the roses in the flowerbeds are vying with them for abundance and glory. On the other side, the pool is glistening in the sunlight, white and yellow plumeria flowers are wafting their sweet scent, the palm fronds and bamboo leaves are fluttering gently while the hummingbirds hover over the geraniums, lilies and irises in front of the little meditation house. Ah, indeed I am so thankful for my life. It is from this place of gratitude that I am writing this – for you, so that you too can have the life you want and deserve. A dynamically balanced, happy and healthy life.

 

Chapter 1

This is not the Life I Thought I was Living

Born into a very traditional Chinese family in Hong Kong, I was the second daughter of parents who were desperate for a son. Then my mother gave birth to three boys and cemented my position at the bottom of the totem pole. With three younger brothers I grew up an unwanted, neglected and abused child in a culture where dirt was more valuable than a useless second daughter.

My one blessing was the name given to me by my grandfather. A very unusual honor for a Chinese girl, he named me Hay Lit after two respected Chinese emperors. This proud name empowered me to grow up believing that someone in my family cared about my future and inspired me to think that one day I could do something important with my life.

I knew there were other children who were much worse off than I. One of my schoolmates and her family of five lived in a single room where they shared a kitchen and bath with two other families. With both parents working, my friend still didn’t have proper clothing or enough food to eat. It didn’t seem fair that she had to live this way. At the age of eleven, I knew that making a positive difference and helping people in need was my true destiny.

As a teenager, I came to America alone for a college education. I was driven to make a positive difference in the world. Working my way through school, I completed my undergraduate studies and earned a masters degree in a total of a bit over four years. From the bottom of the totem pole, I climbed to the top of the corporate ladder in high-level executive positions at well-known international companies (V.P. Nike, President Reebok Apparel & Retail Group, CEO Aveda Corp.). Then I became an entrepreneur, a published author (“How to Use What You’ve Got to Get What You Want”, is now in several languages), and co-founded a nonprofit organization (Us Foundation) dedicated to promoting the highest common good for humanity and the planet.

Along the way, I never forgot my true life purpose. As an executive in the apparel and footwear industries, one of my proudest accomplishments was helping to create positive change in the labor standards for workers in developing countries. Today, in addition to running my Foundation, I speak and consult with global companies and governmental organizations on leadership, diversity, life balance and other business issues and also help clients around the world enjoy productive balanced and healthy lives.

Then one day, my sister, who lives in Vancouver, B.C. called and said that she wanted to come to California and spend Christmas with me. “I’m sorry,” I heard myself say to my sister who I dearly love and hadn’t seen for over two years, “but I’m just too tired to even think about the holidays. In fact, I’m going to cancel Christmas entirely this year.”

Listening to myself, I thought, “What am I saying? This is just ridiculous! This is crazy!” I suddenly realized that giving so much to help other people, I had completely forgotten about taking care of my personal needs. The truth hit me like a ton of bricks. I was shocked and embarrassed. My own labor standards were completely out of balance! The second daughter, Hay Lit, had been putting herself at the bottom of the totem pole.

My sister was speechless at first, but then she understood that I was just so burned out. I explained that my priorities were all mixed up. Because I had been giving everything I had to other people and to so many worthy causes, at the end of the year I had nothing left for me ─ or my own sister!

Travelling around the world I had been teaching business and governmental leaders to honor their physical and emotional health, spend time with family and friends, and pursue their intellectual interests and spiritual calling. But I had not made time to do many of these things. Could pushing oneself beyond her limits into a state of total exhaustion be an example of low self-worth, self-neglect or even self-abuse?

Reflecting upon how the role of women in America has changed, I realized that today we are expected to wear many different hats – daughter, wife, mother, friend, career woman, and community leader. Juggling all these things, we struggle to stay in shape, look beautiful, have a spiritual core and become self-actualized – other expectations that we, as well as society have placed upon us. Every now and then, we have to stop ourselves and ask, “Am I taking care of the most important person in the world?” That would be you because without oneself, there is no way you could do anybody else any good.

Keeping all the traditional roles, women of our generation have taken on many additional responsibilities. Multi-tasking comes naturally to the feminine gender, leading us to believe that we can do everything, all the time, and all at once. But this is impossible, and sometimes in order to achieve what’s critical and to remain sane, we just have to say no.

Whenever you feel overwhelmed, stop, take a deep breath, and then take another one, and then say, “What would happen if I didn’t do this task at this very moment? What is really most important? What is the truth here for me? Pull yourself back enough to get distance and perspective. Listen to the voice of your inner wisdom. The answer will come.

In order to stay true to my life purpose, I have learned to put my own needs high on the list of priorities and practice what I preach. Only by striving to make certain that my life is sustained in a balanced way can I make the positive difference that is my destiny.

After all, how can I help to heal the world if I can’t take care of me?

And you? Are you neglecting yourself to take care of others? Is that really working for you and your loved ones? When you are giving is from lack – it’s unsustainable and will eventually not only drain you but also destroy the very relationships and structures you are working so hard to build.

Stop, take a deep breath, again, and repeat the above instructions as needed. Remember that you are part of the whole – if you neglect/abuse yourself and become a hole – instead of a valuable part of the whole – the whole will also have a hole.

Yes I know the bills have to be paid, the work assignment and laundry done – somehow all will get done. Believe me, it will. Continue to read with me please, this book will show you the way.

 

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How to use what you've got to get what you want.

Chapter 1 Inside You

The common wisdom is that in order to be a success, you have to have certain advantages: knowing the right people, going to the right schools, belonging to the right clubs, looking the right way -- I am here to tell you that you can use what you've got to get what you want.

My own life has been extraordinarily diverse. I grew up in a traditional Chinese family in Hong Kong as the lowest person on the totem pole: a second daughter who was quickly followed by three sons. My childhood was an all-too familiar litany of abuse and neglect. If the common wisdom were true, I should have been a miserable failure in life, struggling to overcome a low sense of self-esteem and fighting a losing battle to win the affection of parents who are never going to give me the acknowledgement I crave.

And yet I managed to rise through the executive ranks of the international business world and become an influential corporate leader, speaker, consultant, author and philanthropist.

According to the common wisdom, I didn't have the advantages you need to get to the top. Instead of having connections or running with the in-crowd, I grew up in a foreign country where English was my second language. Instead of getting an Ivy League education, I went to a State University. Instead of being one of the guys' in a man's world, I'm a woman. The lesson is this: If I can use what I've got to get what I want, you can too. I know this isn't how the psychologists, philosophers and rescue workers think it's supposed to be, but I believe that the struggles of my childhood – all the misery, loneliness and grief – are responsible for my success. When I stood at the edge of my future, looking toward the uncharted terrain of my career, the skills I learned in childhood were all I had.

My life has proven that what I had was enough.

Merely surviving in my family gave me the skills and the inner knowing that guided my career and my success in life. I built on those early traits through trail and error with the help of Spirit and many teachers as I journeyed through life.

What I did was this:

  • > listen and trust my inner voice,
  • > envision what I wanted,
  • > plan and anticipate the challenges,
  • > learn and practice the skills needed to carry out my vision,
  • > confidently proceed as the situation develops
  • > keep trying different ways to achieve my goals until I succeeded.

 

And what I learned is this: What’s inside of each of us is powerful enough to help us achieve anything we want.

You’re Good Enough Just as You Are.

You are good enough now. You don’t have to wait for anything, anyone or any situation before you can start making a positive change in your life. You don’t have wait until you get a new job, lose fifteen pounds, move to a new house, get a new relationship, wait until an existing situation improves or hold out for any other reason. The time and place to begin working toward your goals is here and now.

Believe in yourself and hold onto evidence that you are good enough.

“Think you can, think you can't; either way, you'll be right.”
-- Henry Ford

My family was devastated when I was born. They'd already had a girl and were desperate for a boy. When my younger brother was born soon after me and two more boys followed him, I was made completely superfluous. My brothers inadvertently cemented my position as the unnecessary and bothersome child. As a result, I was alternatively ignored or punished for reasons that were mostly unrelated to anything I did.

It was a situation that had great potential for being a training ground for me to go through life as an insecure victim. If things had been different, I might have fallen into that role without realizing it. But I had a secret weapon: my grandfather, Ah Yeh. The spark of belief he had in me gave me a sense of self worth that kept me going when others were doubting me.

It was Grandfather Ah Yeh who gave me my Chinese name, Hay Lit. Hay and Lit are the names of two of the Emperors in China; one was known for his intellect and wisdom and the other for his prowess in military strategy. It was a most unusual name for a Chinese girl, but it registered with me like a permanent vote of confidence from a man I deeply admired.

I never spent much time with my grandfather. He died when I was about seven. I didn’t see him but a few times a year even when he was alive. But the powerful name he gave me made me feel he must really have believed I was strong and thought I was something special.

That little kernel of hope and inspiration held me in good stead when the world around me told me otherwise. That kernel of hope and my own inner knowing always kept me going and gave me hope when I didn’t know how I was going to survive the situation at hand.

You can do the same thing by holding onto any time in your life when you felt the approval or support of someone who believed in you. Dive into that feeling of acceptance. Let it sink into your bones. Cherish it as you go forth and deal with the world. You’ll find your interactions much more successful when you have confidence and self-worth.

Trust in Something Bigger than Yourself

Throughout time, people have searched for the meaning of life. Countless religions, philosophies, and books are dedicated to answering that perennial question: What is the meaning of life? Do we enter this world from nothing for a certain number of years and then disappear forever? Is this all there is? Is this sixty, seventy, eighty or ninety or so years on planet earth all there is for us? What are we here to do?

I started discovering the meaning of life early in my childhood. I found that there was something more powerful than what met my eye. I found the power and comfort from a deeper source than the everyday reality; I found the power of Spirit.

As a child, I treasured my alone time, spending much time up in the trees where people couldn’t get to me. I found a sense of calm and security in the trees which meant much more to me than just physical safety. I felt the presence of a greater power than what I can see with my eyes.

This power which I call Spirit -- and you may call God or the Universal Power -- was very nourishing to me. I sensed that I was taken care of and that there was a greater plan for my life than what I could envision then. I felt that Someone was taking care of the big picture and that if I did the best I could, I could trust that somehow the overall story would turn out good in the end.

This inner knowing gave me great comfort and courage to take steps and risks to forge ahead. This inner knowing of my connection to a greater power sustained me when the outside circumstances seemed hopeless or unbearable.

What Spirit means to you may vary from what it means to me. The key to tapping into that sense of peace and wisdom is to trust that you are part of a bigger picture. You are not just a bobbing cork in a stormy ocean. You have a reason for being on earth and you have a mission and purpose. You are unique and have a gift for the world that only you can share. As Martha Graham said:

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.”

You are here for a reason. You have a unique gift to offer the world. Once you find your special talents and pursue it, whether it is to be the best carpenter, accountant, singer, mother or nuclear physicist that you can be, you will have a sense of inner peace. You will feel that you have found your reason for being. You may have several talents and you have the choice to follow one or a combination of them. What an exciting adventure!

Next….

Follow your Passion

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